State of Sex

 BY: DANNY GLADDEN

    David Letterman, Hugh Grant, George Michael, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Tiger Woods, Senators’ John Edwards, Larry Craig and David Vitter; Governors’ Elliot Spitzer, Jim McGreevey and Mark Sanford and Congressman Mark Foley—indeed, the 2000s were full of sex scandals following the sexcapade of the century starring Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

    So what is your sexual new year’s resolution for 2010? Find a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner? Increase or decrease the amount of "sexting" you send on your iPhone? Convince your lover to try out a new kinky position? Finally purchase that fleshlight you’ve always wanted? Launch your solo, duo or group xtube career? What about decreasing the number of anonymous sex partners or increasing the use of condoms and dental dams for anal, oral or vaginal sex? Maybe you want to decrease the number of times you have sex while under the influence of alcohol, pot or other substances. What about increasing communication with your partner(s) and talking with your friends about erotic safer sex options? Maybe you’ll decide to get tested on a regular basis for sexually transmitted infections.

    Whatever your "sexolution" is for 2010, may you have a fulfilling and empowering sexual year that is physically safe for you and your intimate partner. For individuals who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual transgender (LGBT)—queer, questioning and even our hetero friends—2010 can be a year of amazing sex. Still, thoughtful preparation is necessary.

    LGBT youth specifically are coming out and negotiating safer sex options at a much younger age. Online social networking, dance clubs catering to the 18-20 crowd and social support groups have created a number of opportunities for queer youth to engage, interact and build relationships. Additionally, online sites such as gay.com, manhunt.net, adam4adam.com, bgclive.com, craigslist.org, and GRINDR on the iPhone make "hooking up" all the more easy.

    The Generation Z of LGBT youth have an opportunity to be the most informed and equipped to reduce the spread of sexually transmitted infections such as HIV, herpes, syphilis, Chlamydia and gonorrhea. After all, young people are open to discussing sexual encounters with friends and holding one another accountable for routine testing.

    Of course, the best protection from sexually transmitted infections remains abstinence. That said, LGBT youth know that good sex can seem magical, but it usually just "doesn’t happen." Great sex happens when both partners feel safe, cared for and comfortable. According to ETR Associates, there are five steps that LGBT youth can use to think about and plan ahead for good sex:

    First, you have to know what you want: think about what having sex means to you—define your limits—discover what you like.

    Second, you should protect yourself: sex can be risky, but thinking ahead and being prepared lets you choose ways to keep yourself and your partner safe. Know the risks and how to protect yourself from a sexually transmitted infection and get yourself checked.

    Third, talk about it: talk before you have sex, while you’re having sex, and after you’ve had sex. Discuss being safe and protecting yourself from a sexually transmitted infection.

    Fourth, make it mutual: making sex mutual means making sure it’s what you both want. Decide about sex together by discussing if, when, where, and how often you will have sex—set limits by telling your partner if you’re uncomfortable or afraid. Respect your partner’s limits and share equal responsibility for sexual decisions.

    Finally—together, you and your partner can have fun with sex: set the mood and adjust the lighting. Be spontaneous by having sex when you don’t expect to—but remember that acting on impulse doesn’t mean being unsafe. Don’t be afraid to try out new things. And enjoy sexual expression other than intercourse by doing other things.

    Finally, one sex-positive "sexolution" LGBT youth are making for 2010 is to stay mentally, physically and sexually healthy in the New Year. One way to do to this is to check out one of the community’s many health centers such as E.F.A., Planned Parenthood or the SPOT.

    So make your sexolution today and Happy New Year!