Tying the knot: Tasteful weddings can be done on any budget
By Rob Schaefer
As an event designer and caterer, I have seen countless vow exchanges over the past 22 years. And as a single man seeking my Prince Charming, I often think about my own wedding day celebration. The tradition of exchanging vows during a ceremony is an old and honored custom. A commitment ceremony with reception is becoming an increasingly popular choice among the GLBT community. It is our right to commit our lives to each other and allow those we love to witness and rejoice in that moment.
Planning an event can be overwhelming. The first step in the process is to determine the date, the budget and what type of celebration you want to host. As I always tell my clients, have the very best of whatever you can afford, work with the season and work within reason. If your budget only allows for a small ceremony followed by cake and lemonade, set an amazing table with the best cake and lemonade possible and be proud of it. If a fantastic buffet luncheon with centerpieces and a quartet fits the budget, go for it. Or, if a glamorous evening function is the direction you are going in, provide an amazing sit-down meal and premium bar. Again, avoid debt and disappointment by having the best of what you can do comfortably.
I think the biggest mistakes gay couples make when planning a reception is adopting heterosexual roles, cliche wedding stereotypes or trying to create a bar or club-like atmosphere. As a planner, I treat the event as two unique individuals uniting in faith and love yet try to retain some wedding traditions and etiquette. I find that alternating the bridesmaids/groomsmen during the wedding processional makes a beautiful statement and represents the couple equally. Partners can walk down the aisle together or one at a time with their parents. I like to create a double aisle for dramatic ceremonies and choreograph the wedding party members walking in union. I avoid the cliche wedding songs, but also find that classic and modern music selections translate well for the ceremony. Whatever the level of celebration, keep in mind that this is a special and very sacred day. Have fun, but show good taste.
When discussing the ceremony with your officiant, explain the points that matter most, and go over those thoroughly. I have found that the most memorable ceremonies are those with very personal messages and vows created by the couple.
Working with an event planner can help eliminate stress and expose you to a wealth of information and choices. Work with someone you trust and who shares your vision. Review their planning experience, photos of their work and check references. Also, be open to someone’s non-emotional point of view.
Finding a location for both the ceremony and reception (and caterer) should be your first priority. Many reception sites and vendors book over a year in advance. Ask questions, review packages and menu options and make sure their staff is both willing and comfortable hosting a same-sex celebration. Bands and entertainment also book quickly so determine the route you want to go (live music or disc jockey) and attend either public events they are playing at or listen to their compact discs.
The right photographer is critical in capturing the special day. Your photos and video will allow you to look back on the day accordingly and witness many of the special details that one can over look on their wedding day. Be clear about the type of photographic style you are looking for and have a list of photos you want taken. A limited number of outstanding photos is better than several hundred mediocre ones. Invest wisely in your photographer and videographer.
Although we see many types of centerpieces, I believe there is no substitute for flowers. Male couples often question me about floral options and do not want to appear too feminine. My advice is to keep it simple, understated and elegant. Orchids, compact roses, calla lilies and long grasses all look masculine and appropriate. Color choices can certainly go in any direction, but all white flowers remain a tried and true classic. When it comes to apparel, avoid matching outfits, but wear complementary colors and styles. Avoid fashion extremes on this important day. Whatever the theme, think timeless and tasteful.
As we redefine our role in society and continue to fight for equal rights and legal unions, GLBT professionals today want it all: commitment, marriage and family. With proper planning, organization and vendor support, you can go from I do to We did.
Rob Schaefer is vice president of catering and design development at Steven Becker Fine Dining – The Coronado Ballroom.
